The main thing sustain parents need to do is make a safe home for a child who is in out of home care. A old sustain child who is now an adult reminded me that no whole of love or care from a sustain parent, no matter how well intended, is going to heal a child with a traumatic past. It was good to hear that because I think that as a sustain parent I conception if I did all things right, I could make up for a child's past.
I offer some tips you can do make a sustain child feel "safe" in your home.
Welcome the child to your home and tell them what to call you because they want to know. Introduce yourself and say, "Welcome to our home. We are Jason and Josephine Watson. You may call us whether Mr. Jason/Mrs. Josephine or Mr. And Mrs. Watson. The choice is up to you." Put them at ease and give them at least two choices of names that feel comfortable to you. If they later become long-term or permanent placements. I caution you to be truthful about using your first name only. I made this mistake once and later regretted it because it put me and the child on the same level, instead of me being the authority shape in the relationship.
Tell the child that it is not your job replace their family. Tell them your job is to give them a safe and comfortable place to live while their families work with collective services. Tell them you will not hurt them and you will make sure that as long as they are with you, you will do all things in your power to make sure no one else does either.
Give the child a place to all their own. whether it is an entire room or just one bed and a drawer, it's foremost they know it's their space. Before you tour the entire house, show the child their "space" because they are already wondering about it.
On the bed, place a new teddy bear with the tags still on it. Tell them it is theirs. It doesn't matter if they are one or seventeen; it will mean something to them when night time comes and they are alone. The tags still on it symbolize to the child that the teddy bear is all theirs and has not belonged to anything else.
Make sure there is a decent nightlight in their bedroom. Some will want to sleep with the lights on. Some will want to sleep with their clothes on. Let the choice be theirs.
Give them a tour of the house and briefly expound your expectations. Keep it simple the first night. Rules might be something like: Be safe. Be respectful. Be responsible. Tell them that you will consequent the rules also. Children learn by example. Children learn what they live.
Let your sustain child know they will not go hungry in your home. There are many dissimilar ways to do this. Each house will have to decide what works for them, but you need to make sure food is ready at all times. Otherwise you will have to deal with hoarding and binging. You can and should add some boundaries to this based upon your own doctrine coupled with the needs and age range of the children. For instance, a basket or drawer of simple, healthy snacks they may always have but possibly they are anticipated to eat only at the kitchen table.
Put a Cd player in the sustain child's room and depending on their age (up to 12 or so), put on soothing music and play the same C.D. Every night. They will ultimately associate the music with protection and sleep. For a teenager, put several choices of C.D.s for them to select from.
Prepare a basket of toiletries and basics ahead of time. Consist of shampoo, conditioner, soap, lotion, comb or brush, toothbrush and toothpaste. Give them a clean towel and washcloth. If you plan to have children who have ethnic hair and skin, you should plan to keep some basic items on hand for doing ethnic hair and some good lotion, such as Eucerin or Lubriderm. Keep it simple, but here is a list of items I suggest: a very wide-toothed comb or pick, a soft boar bristle brush, coated elastics and some type of moisturizer for the hair. You can use any type of hair conditioner or even olive oil temporarily until you shape out what works best in their hair. I have found Nexxus Humectruss to be a great all-purpose conditioner.
Lastly, do what you say and say what you do. Trust takes a long time to build. These children have likely never had adults in their lives who were consistent. It will take many, many days of you being there when they wake up, having supper on the table every night and most of all, showing them respect, for them to begin to feel safe in your home.
Take it one day at a time.
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